The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
