Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
