Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
