Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
