Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
