y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
