Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He has the fingertips of a God
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