New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
