if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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