Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I won the penis lottery.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
