I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
