she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
