Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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