The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
