Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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