When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
