Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
