So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
