Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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