Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
This show inspires me to have sex in space
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
