What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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