dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
