There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
its liver damage thursday
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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