sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
