she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
