he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
