I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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