I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
3 2 1 whiskey
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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