i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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