i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
