Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
