i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
