so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
