My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
