i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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