am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
