If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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