JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
