Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
