i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
