I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you bring me the toilet please
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
