He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
