From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
