he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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