You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
