Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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