dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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