I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
