the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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