I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
